Yesterday i went to the Easter Pageant with the girls from my church. it was emerys first time going which was cool. we didnt see any people causing riots so we were good. while the pageant was going on i saw three shooting starts and it made me realize my life isnt as bad as it has seemed to be lately. i dont wanna dwell on the past anymore, all it is is something i cant change. if it makes me upset i should keep that memory. life is a gift that can be taken away just as easily as we got it.
on friday there is no school to emmy, gabby, and meg wanted to have a movie night then go have some "fun". i asked my dad, over text, because hes gone and he said ask beth. well i was gunna text her and ask her today but last night she was being a bitch, sorry for the language but theres no other word to describe her, unless i say a really really bad word but that doesnt have the same affect. its not like this is anything new with beth. she is always so rude to me and i havent done anything, at least not yet ;). its really getting annoying because ill clean my room and tesa wont clean the bathroom but i end up having to do it if i wanna go anywhere and if its not clean its always my fault. she also lets kayla do whatever she wants but no me, what the heck.
kaylas gone back to stealing my things again too.... uggg that just pisses me off. she was wearing my shirt and has my socks. it wouldnt mind me if she asked but she didnt and if she takes it, its "hers" not mine. beth even backs her up on things like that. cuz beth "bought" it for her and its "not" mine. errr its so hard to try to live life to the fullest if people are doing crap like that.
ive gone to the counting method already. i have six weeks and one day left in this hell hole. i cant wait to get out, which is sad because i used to really like it here. the people here are nice and i like everything here actually but coming home to that house and those people in that house.... its not worth it anymore.
i know going to moms wont be what i expect at all but in all reality what has been actually what i thought in life. nothing is never as it seems but when you come home and wanna run away everyday its not right. i know i wont wanna run away from moms, even if things get rough because i know she will let me go to a friends and chill out or go to familys but here i cant go anywhere. im stuck in a jail, i go to school come home, eat if im lucky, and go to bed, then start over the next day.
dad always tells me to live my life while im a teen and not to grow up too fast. sometimes i try but then he tells me not to be stupid and not to act like a little kid. nothing is perfect for him. im not perfect for him but im me and he cant change that. having eight kids in the house you think he would want me to hang out with my friends but he never lets me unless i do manual-laybor all week. so its not worth it to hang out with them.
my mom wasnt perfect when i lived with her and sometimes i wouldnt even see her for a whole day but she tried her best. we always had food and everything we needed. (she also wouldnt eat food infront of us and not share unlike someone else. instead shed give it to us and we would usually eat it all) i KNOW it was stressful trying to juggle three teens and a job but she did a good job. i mean i havent killed anyone yet, right? ;)
if there is one person who i look up to its my mom. shes been through hell and back, several times, and a few times were my fault but shes just amazing. i dont know what id do without her. i remember when i was little she would sing to me, usually in the car at night. when i hear that song i cant help but wish she was here so i could give her a hug and never let go. im sorry for leaving her when she needed me the most, i will always regret that but i feel like its change it so now we both know how lucky we are to have each other and well never let go again.
moving here may have given me a new look on life but most important it made my moms and my relationship so much stronger. not only my moms and my relationship but all my family on my moms side, guess they realized what they were missing. before i would yell at her and say i never wanted to see her again but now i think about that if i never saw my mom again... well i dont know because no idea. i am so sorry for the way i treated her. she definatly did NOT deserve it. i am blessed to have her in my life. shes tought me everything i know, good and bad. sometimes you need to know that bad in life to see the good.
i dont know much but i know i love her more than anyone else. my childhood memories, the ones i still remember anyway, are good ones. when we went to the zoo or on eater morning, the many times we slept outside on the trampoline, and the time we slept ont he trailer and it started raining so at midnight we went to walmart and bought a tent, going to oregon, feeding the ducks, cooking smores with the judds, and swimming in the pond. i cant think on one childhood memory that was bad. we always make what we do fun even if its just a trip to walmart or on the wa from dads, AJO!!! hahaha
im glad im moving back. its where i need to be. corbin needs to know he has an older sister who loves him, my mom needs me and i need her. i cant wait to have a new dad! i love jason! i already consider him as my dad, the one that i always wanted. one who will make my mom happy and who will treat us kids right. her may be a little nerdy but thats fine by me. heck who in my family isnt a nerd at times, or a (_e=mc2_). jaosn i hope you dont feel that i dont like you, because thats not true. i welcome you with open arms. And as for Cheri, Dewey, Gretch, and Addie you are my family. you guys welcomed us in with open arms and made us your family. cheri you are the grandma i always wanted. dewey, you just make me laugh. gretch, well.... hmmm haha your one of the sweetest people i know and addie your too cute.
at times things will get hard but as long as were together, everything be fine.
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