uggg... EVERYTHING sucks right now. i cant do anything right. i cant go to Emerys babtizim, i cant keep friends, i cant do anything. i woke up late today. i couldnt sleep last night i kept having nightmares. i kept getting into fights with my "friends" and it usually ended up with me punching the crap out of them. then i had one where i got into another fight with beth and dad.  i just could not sleep. so i slept in and missed seminary and the bus and beth had to take me about a hour later to school. she wasnt nice about it either, she was all pissy and rude, again. i even said thank you, the firstthing ive said to her since i yelled at her and she didnt say anything. then she waited till i was in the building to makes sure i would make it in, what am i gunna do run away? all my friends are in school and i have no where to go... ugg.


what my dad said about me being "mentally gone" is really bothering me. i cant focus on anything all i think about is the words he told my mom about me and how wrong he is. im starting to doubt myself. wither its all true or not. i NEED a break. away form everyone. away form everything. no matter what i do it isnt good enough.


beth is still being rud eto me and i havnt done anything to her. she is now treating us even worst and her kids even better because she may lose them too.... uggg i just hate this whole situtaion. i shouldnt be going through any of this crap. i am a freaking teenager why do i have to go through this.


Megan and i are now fighting and frankly im not sure if were friends anymore. shes choosing a stupid guy over me. we were so close and weve been through the same crap. i would have always been there for her even when i move. he wont. im sick and tired of people choosing others over me. that may seem seflsih but i dont care right now. my dad should choose afreaking wife he wont be with together anyway. my friend chose a guy over me. am i not good enough?


physically and mentally i am so tired. i cant do anything i guess. nothing in my life is good enough.  nothing is getting better. they say its gunna get worst before it gets better, well i cant handle it getting any worst.


dad gave tesa a lecture about cussing the other day after some of the talks we had. who the heck does he think he is saying that i am a bad example to her? he cusses all the time and beth is starting to now as well. yes words fall out of my mouth sometimes and yes sometimes i push them out but not everyday. and i dont tell call people words. im also a teen, no excuse i know, but an adult shouldnt call anyone a freaking cuss word even their child or someone elses for that matter. its so rude.


i havnt been able to focus on school work and i feel like im failing, im really not but im not doing everything i can to get the best grades. theres no one to talk to about it either. if i tell my mom she helps but hse cant do anything baout it and she just says she sorry about it all. when ever someone says their sorry i usually just say everythigns okay, but with this, i want to say its okay but i know its not and it just keeps getting worst.


i dont know what to do anymore.... nothing works out for me. i feel worthless and some may say im not but its the others who say i am worthless that get to me. when more than one person says it or acts like it i cant help but doubt myself.