well well well.... not so good, like always. i got home and watched tv while i got something to eat. then i went outside to exersize like normal. it was a little too hot for me and i pulled a muscle in my leg so i decided to go inside. i was right behind beth and she grabbed the screen door and the door and shut them in my face when she knew i was right behind her. i  stood there in shock then i went inside. i went ot my room and changed then went into the living room. lilah was messing with tesa so she hit her then lilah told her mom and tesa got yelled at. i was on the couch and kayla was gunna kick snow down the stairs and even said she was so i simply said, "kayla, dont kick my dog down the stairs" then beth said she wasnt even going to kick your dog. shes dont it before. yea just like youve kicked the cat? ive never kick the cat. yes you have, ive seen you. umm no i havent cuz its stupid. oh whatever just shut up. then she walked out the door.


right then i jumped  off the couch and was gunna go after her but dad was outside. i got my shoes on and took off. kayla saw me leave and i think she told my dad. i called my mom to talk to her because im sick and tired of beth being so rude to me. dad called me twice while i was on the phone with her. so i called him back but he didnt answer. he called me back and yelled at me for talking so long ot call him back. and that i live with him so i have to answer him no matter waht cuz he may need me. "do you understand me?" sure. dont be like that to me kelsey. he started going off about how ive been acting like a vegetable, not doing anything and moopiing around. i told him maybe i want to be one. only a few can make it in life like that. well maybe ill be one of those few. lets hope for your sake.


he kept sugar coating everything he said, nothing was to the point. he kept saying that i havent been trying and im fihgting with everyone. finally i told him to just listen to me and to stop talking and just listen. he did and explained what was going on, some of the things beth had done. when i was over he yelled at me and said theres alwasy two side of the story. i tried to explain yea theres yours and mine but you wont listen to mine. he got made and we argued for a bit. there was a lot of silent times. finally the phone call was dropped.


i called emmy to talk to her. she helped a bit. then beth came out to the field where i was so i went inside then she came to the house. when ever i try to talk to someone out there adn she sees me she comes over to hear my converation. umm i leave so u wont hear me, so back off. im supposed to have a talk with dad tonight.....uggg


i was txting megan and we fixed somethings up but i still dont feel like everythings okay between us... its complicated. i talked to my bishop and that made me feel better. he told me when i talk ot him start wiht a hug, say a prayer, and then talk and try to make sure it doesnt become an arguement. he kept saying to bring up that maybe its better if i leave now because he could tell im really stressed and i shouldnt be put threw this. he said it like seven times that i should bring it up. maybe it is better if i leave now.... i dont know. he wouldnt have said that unless he was inspired to... i dont know. he told me i would be a good missionary and that i have big things ahead of me. brawner reynolds told me that yesterday too. he told me to read my scriptures and pray. the devil is like a valcano, he can errupt at anytime and once he does, all hell breaks loose.


i tired of all of this. i only have three weeks left and i really just want to stay but i cant if i keep being treated this way. i will bring up me leaving, i kind of feel like its for the best if i do go. i would like to finish school here and get my credits but at worst ill have to talk online clasees to make it up.


i want totake online classes anyway. shcool has never been challanging enough for me. i understand things most people dont. ive been told i am very bright and im very intelligent for my age. i want a challange. i mean its cool because im not stressed out with work but i want something harder. im afraid to try to make it harded incase its too hard for me and then i do get stressed out. i tried honors classes this year and its not even a challange for me. its sucks. i dont thing the school im going to will be challanging either.


i cant wati to go to moms, everything sseems to be working out perfect for when we come home. theres so many things that are going ot work out. if i can only make it these last three weeks....